Random Acts of Word Association

I’m gonna be that girl.

I hate posting twice. I do it all the time. But I feel like that’s so 8th grade of me. A lot of things are so 8th grade of me lately. I got so upset about that baking soda incident. So upset. So, I made a shitty batch of biscotties. Big deal. Hm, apparently it was a big deal. Because I called my Mom ridiculous and rude over it. Which she kind of was.

It’s so nice to know my Dad loves me enough to fake enjoying cookies for me. That’s why I’m making more tomorrow. For him. By myself. And they’ll be reeking of awesome. That sounded better in my head. A lot of things do.

Anyways.

This is one of those moments where I know I should just keep writing and something good will come out. Maybe. So that’s what I’m doing. If you don’t want to get inside my head, I recommend you stop reading now.

Sometimes I literally stop and ask myself “What the hell happened?” Normally, that wouldn’t seem healthy. But with all the changes I’ve been through recently, it’s like “Why the hell can’t I ask myself what the hell every once in awhile?” I hate feeling guilty for everything I think! Hah. 

Alright, out of depth. I’m going to be an aunt again soon :) And again after that! I hope this one’s a girl. I’m sorry. I’m being inundated with boys. A little niece I could dress up would be fantastic. If it’s a boy I’ll still love it. Wow. That sounded ridiculously…like..what’s the word…settling? Like I’d be lowering myself to having three nephews. Psh. 

Can I just take a moment to say how happy I am at UD? College is everything I hoped it would be. Besides the fact that all my friends think I’m an alcoholic. Which I am absolutely not. I’ve made plenty of mistakes already, but they were all the right ones. It’s like I’m reminding myself who I’ve always wanted to be, and living it without fail. I just realized these past few sentences sound awful when preceded with the fact that my friends (that don’t drink) think I’m an alcoholic. Whatever. Anyways. I knew within two hours that I made the right decision for college and I’ve never had a rough night since. Well. In one sense of the word.

Writewritewritewrite. ‘Out Loud’ by Dispatch. Summer. Suburban. Swenson’s. Aviators. Word association. I do that sometimes. Mostly because it makes sense to me and no one else. I could do that all day.

Excuse any random acts of word association in the near future.

There was a time at the beginning of school this year where I was on a search for so many specific things. And when they didn’t come, I got really frustrated. Things weren’t happening as quickly as I imagined. Or wanted. (I know I’ll regret this later.) So I decided to stop looking. Stop caring. That’s difficult for me, but a skill I’ve been perfecting for awhile. Not stop caring completely. But stop caring enough not to get completely torn apart when everything comes back to smack you in the face…if it comes to smack you in the face. To not care enough that the little things that were once so monumental can remain little, and keep the peace a little longer. But by me not caring, and by not looking, I’ve found more. If that’s even possible. 

Again. Too deep. 

I hope I remember when I read this in the future (because I totally will) that I didn’t delete anything I wrote in this rambling. How organic can you get? 

“And I get scared, but I’m not crawling on my knees.” Goo Goo Dolls. Guitar. SCA. What? That was weird.

Hope you excused that like I asked you to. 

In fact. You can excuse this whole damn thing if you’d like. See if I care. Cause I won’t. Enough.